Some Forgotten Fairy-Tales.
I have lived a long life already. Experience made me cynical. And a little girl that was me long ago hides deeper and deeper.
At first when I fell in love it was a miracle. A wonder, a blessing, a dance of butterfly in candle light. I dreamt about him and gave him a place in my fairy country, in the world of my dreams. He was completely incomprehensible. I told myself fairy tales and believed them. Then I decided that I am fed with fairy tales and made myself forget that love. The butterfly died in candle light.
Next time a fairy tale was told by him. He was a singer. Romantic, with deep and sad hazel eyes and charming smile. His voice sounded so magnificent in that empty cafe where we sat alone. And when he knelt at the end of the song we heard applouses. All the stuff of cafe stood in a range near the wall with smiles on their faces. It was a moment from fairy tale. But my young heart was not melted. It melted for a little while after 9 months of attention and care, melted for a month to be frozen very soon till next spring. Second fairy tale was told by him and broken by him. His week character could not be a character of prince. His kingdom would fall.
Next time I have told myself a fairy tale about warrior woman that won a citadel. His only achivement was that he pretended to be a citadel long enough. Now I think he was too innocent and week and that made him a princess rather than a prince. But the princess turned to be an ordinary grousing wife, not very interesting for a warrior woman.
My fourth fairy tale was extremely young and extremely strong. He was like rock, real man, who did not care much about me. And felt like being conquered and I subjected happily. The fairy tale was broken when I found out that he was also as cold as a rock.
So... enigma, music, innocence, power...
Next two was "tenderness and beauty", and "intelligence and wit". Tender exotic flower, not yet forgotten, adored a lot and loved a lot. But again too feeble. And a hero from old films about good guys that turned to be good in any kind except direct functions of prince.
You see, like a drugsman I need more and more strong point for a fairy-tale as I break previous.
So what about "youth, impertinence and naivity"? No, the last fairy tale has fallen just because it was built on sand. The story teller was not experienced and never cared about the details. He was caught on lies, and there was no sense to continue, false notes were heard in silence.
What will be the next fairy-tale? Let's see what's left. Wealth, fashion, muscles, rude force, high position. What will be first? Dunno, we'll see.
Or maybe I will close the book, go and live an ordinary life without dreams and fairy-tales but with man that simply likes to lie and look at me with a foolish and happy smile. Will I dare to live a life without dreams? Will he dare to dream?
Drugsmen are so hard to heal.